They always say....

that the differences are in the details, and that couldn't be more true here in China. Where to start, where to start.... I'll explain some overwhelming / glaring differences between east and west in a typical day:

Sleeping:

The Chinese believe that boulders and slabs of forged hardened beds provide better health than not... I can assure you that my back [and body for that matter] does not agree. Imagine sleeping on just your box springs or a "deluxe" bed are sets of box springs with bamboo layering [similar to plywood sheeting] with cotton sheets over them / it. Hmmm... if you compare it to taking the sheet off the beds and sleeping directly on the concrete, then YES, they are more comfortable by a factor of .0000000000001 - otherwise, who are we really kidding here?

As my dad would call it: ch!t, shower and shaving...

Something that I found arbitrarily weird when I met with the health department back in the States [getting shots and medicine before coming over] was when they warned of getting water in my mouth during showering and not to do it. This is b/c of the millions upon millions of bacteria and viruses [Steph interject any time here] that are lurking within the water and further downstream - food supply. Although years of conditioning for these types of "bugs" does the body wonders on one side of the planet - on the other - well, let's just say that you are at a disadvantage right out of the gate. Interestingly enough - it is hard not to get water in your mouth, eyes, ears, etc. when showering - something that you don't necessarily pay attention to b/c you take it for granted in daily life, but difficult nonetheless. After some serious 'bathroom' time, my system is starting to finally adjust to the micro-attacks upon it.


Insert: when you are doing your showering and shaving, etc. you typically use multiple hygiene products that may or may not be readily available here. Although there are suitable substitutes for everything here - like I said earlier, it's the details that comprise the differences [more on this later].


Insert: this leaves one difficult subject in the morning routine yet to be discussed, I'll call it chitting for lack of a better PC term. In SOME places this is not a big deal - but, in several (more common than not, even at "high-end" establishments: restaurants / bars / etc.) places there is what is referred to as the Eastern Toilet. To dispel any myths that this is simply just a hole in the ground - it actually looks like a western toilet that has been cut off at the seat level and formed into the ground (pictures to follow). Most of these are very nicely constructed with porcelain, tiles and modern plumbing. But the only difference is that it is 2 inches from the ground.... so, the question becomes: "how does one use such a device?" Well, the basic operation is the same in the U.S. with the exception that when you "sit" you are actually "squatting". Your pants are dropped and the back of your legs: hamstrings are resting simply on your calves. I had the pleasure of my first Eastern toilet experience in a shopping mall - too far from home to make the trip for the impending nature call. Nevertheless... success without any problems with the exception that my legs were pumping battery acid for blood by the time I stood up. Talk about a physical feat... first objective: do your business, second objective: don't get messy, third objective: balance yourself ever-so-delicately to achieve obj. #1 and obj. #2. I DO NOT SEE how the elderly or the handicap accomplish this w/o greater degrees of difficulty than they do. If the 60+'ers in the U.S. tried to start doing this on a regular basis a LOT of hip-replacement doctors would be cashing in and retiring EARLY.

Which brings me to the "ending" of said experience... NO WHERE in China do public or restaurant like establishments 'provide' toilet paper. It is a BYOTP (Bring Your Own Toilet Paper) event. Every time, everywhere. Western hotels - exception. One or two other places, MAYBE. Which you don't consider that big of a deal, since these little Kleenex dispensing blocks / bricks of paper are available at certain convenience stores or shops. BUT, interestingly if you somehow "forget" to have some with you [at ALL times outside of the home] - you have just signed-on for an interesting adventure. EVERYONE carries such said paper with them, but image trying to coerce someones personal life vest from them as you are sinking on the Titanic in public - AIN'T gonna happen people. So, now it is one of the essential items in the repertoire. Money - check, I.D. - check, house / door keys - check, poop paper - check. Weird, but let me reassure you: essential to survival here.

On to better subjects....

Next 5 posts - stay tuned.